Lily Celeste

Questions!

Tue, 21 May 2013 16:43:32 -0400

In which I answer completely random questions and continue to make strange faces at the camera.

Being a Grown Up

Mon, 13 May 2013 00:13:55 -0400

This video got done really late this week after a crazy busy week. I basically freak out on camera. Enjoy.

Family and Friends

Wed, 01 May 2013 18:01:04 -0400

In this video, I share all about the glorious friends and family I’m surrounded by.

A Long Time Coming

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 01:40:03 -0400

For the the longest time I’ve been wanting to start a vlog. Today, I finally sat down and did it. This won’t entirely take over my blog, but it will be a part of it.

Here it is, let me know what you think!

The Journey of Friendship

Sat, 09 Feb 2013 20:33:00 -0500

One of my favorite things to do on train rides home is write. It’s such a relaxing setting that all I want to do is pour my heart onto a page, or in this case a screen.

On a whim I asked my best friend, Lindsey, what I should write about. She said herself. So now I will embark on the journey of writing about my friendship with Lindsey without crying in public. We’ll see how well that works out for me.

Lindsey and I met in fourth grade. I don’t actually remember this, but we were both involved in Madrona Children’s Theatre, so I’m sure we met around that time.

Our relationship didn’t escalate to more than acquaintances until 6th grade, when we liked the same boy. Being 11 years old, this was the end of my world. However, by 7th grade I was able to get over myself and form something of a friendship with her.

I say “something of a friendship,” because our relationship was very complicated for nearly fours years.

As it usually is for girls in their pre to early teens, everything about life was very dramatic. We’d be friends one minute and not the next. I wont get into the details of what happened, but it was an incredibly trying and difficult time for both of us. Teenage girls are very skilled at making each other miserable.

Finally by junior year of high school, we were able to put whatever differences we thought we had aside and become friends for good.

The strange, or maybe wonderful, part is that I think all the turmoil Lindsey and I put each other through has made us better friends in the long run.

Lindsey hasn’t just seen me as my usual sunshiny, delightful self. She’s seen me be horrible and mean and words I wish didn’t describe ways I’ve behaved. Those actions have even been towards her. But she loves me anyways and it makes us that much stronger.

Senior year of high school, both of us came to realize that we wouldn’t be seeing each other much in the coming year. I knew I was going to Western fairly early on, and it looked increasingly likely that Lindsey would go to school in Oregon.

On TV shows, where I get all my legitimate advice from, it had been made clear to me that friendships rarely lasted the distance that often comes with going away to college.

I pushed that thought out of my mind as I continued to count down the days until I graduated high school.

It only became very apparent to me that distance could grow between myself and someone I consider my sister, once she left for college, over a month before I would leave for Western.

Much to my surprise, in the year and half that Lindsey and I have been in college, we have grown even closer. Our every day text messages can range from one word texts that only we understand, to funny moments from our day, to pages of emotions being shared.

In April I experienced what I consider the hardest moment in my life. Even when I had to admit to Lindsey the mess that I had made, she was there for me. She listened to me sob on the phone. She’s stood by me as I’ve tried to piece my life and myself back together.

I think this was one of the most telling moments of our friendship. She had every right to be mad and disappointed in me. If she was, I saw no evidence of it. She was strong for me when I couldn’t be, all the way from another state.

That’s what I love about Lindsey the most. She is the strongest person I know. She’s in Salem, taking college by storm, maintaining a relationship with an incredible guy and supporting her friends and family. All while she’s mourning the loss of her father.

If that’s not strength, I don’t know what is. I’m so proud of her and inspired by her willpower to go on every day.

This is quickly getting very mushy, something I want desperately to avoid. So I will leave on this note:

I’ve known for a long time that my relationship with Lindsey would shape who I am. While it wasn’t always good experiences that influenced me, I am so grateful for everything I’ve been through with her. It’s made me into a stronger, more caring, and generally better person. I think that makes the bad times completely worth it.

On The Topic of Coming Out

Sat, 02 Feb 2013 20:13:00 -0500

I just watched the Same Love video, so I’m feeling pretty emotional, but also pretty lucky.

I came out as bisexual in 7th grade to some friends. They had a fairly poor reaction, so I kept that part of me hidden. Hidden from everyone I knew, hidden from myself.

I tried to pass it off as something I did in order to get attention, something very like myself to do back then.

It wasn’t until senior of high school, when I first joined tumblr, that I began to see that side of myself again. I finally saw an example of people who were out and happy with who they are.

But I still struggled with the idea that my friends and family might not accept me for who I am.

I started small, with a friend who is several years older than me and who I hoped would be wiser than my friends in high school. She introduced me to someone she knew who could help me answer all the questions about the stigma that comes with bisexuality and what coming out would be like.

Slowly I was able tell my best friends, my mom, my sister, other friends who I wasn’t as close with. They all accepted me for who I am.

My dad was the big hurdle. I didn’t feel like I knew him well enough to judge whether or not he would be uncomfortable with his daughter being bisexual.

The uncertainty scared me, so I put it off. When I finally decided to tell my dad he seemed wary at first, but that never changed the fact that he loves me.

I was really lucky, my family and friends were incredibly supportive and I’m sure they will continue to be if I ever choose to date a girl.

Why am I talking about this now?

When I first came to college the idea of coming out to a whole new group of people seemed like a big hassle.

I was able to tell some of the people in my main group of friends towards the end of my freshman year. But the idea of telling Sarah, my roommate and one of my best friends, terrified me.

When I finally told her, guess what? She still loved me just the same.

Even though that was nearly a year ago, it just occurred to me the other night when I was chatting with friends, I do not need to come out to every single person I know.

Bisexuality is as much as a part of me as the fact that I love Taylor Swift’s music. It’s not something I need to announce, but if it comes up in a conversation, it’s okay to talk about it. It’s completely normal.

As someone who has always been completely accepting of any sexual orientation and who is growing up in a time where homosexuality is more accepted than ever, I can’t believe it took me this long to figure that out.

It doesn’t feel like some bomb I’m dropping on people as we’re talking, like I thought it would. The conversation can continue smoothly.

Of course, I’m incredibly lucky to have open and accepting friends. But realizing this has taken me one step closer to being comfortable in my own skin.

Late Night Break Up Thoughts

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 02:51:00 -0500

I had a break up on Tuesday.

Well, he broke up with me. It was only four days after he’d asked me to be his girlfriend. He told me he’d realized he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship.

The days since then, I’ve felt like such a victim. How could he do this to me? Weren’t we SO into each just a few weeks ago?

But tonight I was thinking, I’m not the victim in this situation. In reality, I stood up for myself.

I could have said, okay lets go back to non-committed dating, which I think is what he expected me to say.

But, instead I told him I wasn’t going to wait around to see if maybe one day he would be ready again. I wasn’t going to get my heartbroken again just because I wasn’t good enough to be someone’s girlfriend. Again. If I couldn’t be in a real relationship with him, then I wasn’t going to be with him. I wasn’t willing to move backwards.

I said, I’ve always been the “never a girlfriend” girl so if that’s what this is going to become, maybe we should just end it.

Now that I think about it, I ended it.

And I’m really okay with that. Because I’m ready for a relationship.

I went through a really hard time earlier this year. I had my heart ripped out of my chest. But I pulled myself out of that awful heartbreak, and now I’m ready to be in relationship.

I just need someone to be ready to be in it with me.

And if he wasn’t with me for that, then I don’t want to be with him.

My best friend reminds me every day, it’s going to be okay.

And it is.

Nail Art: Spring!

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 21:49:39 -0500

Like most people living in Western Washington in the middle of February, I am counting down the days until it is Spring. I’ve been wearing lots of flower prints and brightly colored shirts so maybe the sun will get my drift. But, the rain continues to fall.

So when I sat down to do my nails last night, Spring was my inspiration. I wanted a little relief from the pouring rain. So here are my spring themed nails, I’m sure there will be many more like them in the coming months.

The background color is Forget Now, the petals are Tokyo Pearl and the centers are Rise and Shine, all by Sinful Colors.

I LOVE how they turned out. I was not expecting this result, but it was a happy surprise. Hopefully they’ll last a while, as I wait for the clouds to clear.

If you have any nail art ideas or want to share art you’ve done, email me at LilyJaquith@gmail.com.

Open Letters to the Things I Love

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 02:22:00 -0500

In honor of Valentine’s Day (which will probably be over by the time I’ve posted this), I’d like to write a few open letters to the things I love. I’m single today, but that doesn’t mean there is no love in my life. Instead of being sad today I decided to enjoy every little thing I love in life. So here I go, open letters to the things I love.

Dear Bath and Body Works,

I love every little sale you have. They make my wallet hurt a lot less. Especially because I have fallen in love with your face wash products. And I continue to have an affair with your scents. I smell like Paris every day and it’s delightful.

Dear Christina Perri,

How did I only start loving you a few days ago? You make my heart sing with every sound your beautiful voice makes. Your lyrics express the way I feel in a way I never possibly could. Thank you for knowing my heart better than I do.

Dear friends that I text nearly everyday,

You bring beautiful light into my life every moment I am talking to you. While it might be easy to forget me, you keep me in your hearts. That makes each day away from home easier and easier, though it does make me quite anxious to see you again.

Dear dreams I’ve had lately,

You have been very odd, but brilliant. I love having new material to daydream about every day.

Dear Family,

You’re very odd as well, but you keep a smile on my face when the days are long.

Dear Tuesdays and Thursdays,

Not having classes on you has made my life so much more relaxed. I have extra time for studying and general laziness. You’ve made a difficult quarter much easier.

Dear Twilight Saga,

I know I’m not supposed to love you or be at all interested in you. But I still do love you. Although, you are quite silly at moments and honestly a little ridiculous, sometimes it’s nice to be in a world where that kind of instant love exists. Where watching someone sleep isn’t creepy and where you know you want to be with someone forever. I know this world is not real, but for a hopeless romantic, it’s a nice world to fantasize in occasionally.

Dear Pinterest,

Thanks for making it a little less creepy to plan my future wedding (not that much less). I am having lots of fun with you.

These are the things I could think of right now. My heart glows writing of them. I find myself being okay with being alone when I know I’m surround by such lovely things. It’s nice to take time to focus on the happy, when so much of my life and the world is sad.

Nail Art: Love!

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:20:15 -0500

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. Although I’m single (expect a rant on that later in the month), I decided to do some Valentine’s Day themed nails. Especially since I have my nail tools back!

The colors are all Sinful Colors. Thumb: Sweet Honeymoon. Index: Shining Heart. Middle: Volcanic. Ring: Um, I ripped off the label when I got it, like two years ago. But it’s some sort of hot pink. Sorry! Pinkie: Jasmine Jazz. And finally, the writing is in Tokyo Pearl.

They both read Love and have a heart on the thumb!

I really liked how it turned out, I feel as if I am definitely getting better at nail art. Send me pictures if you did your nails for Valentines, I’d love to see them. You can email me at LilyJaquith@gmail.com!

VlogBrothers and Watermelon Nail Polish!

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:07:00 -0500

I have a problem. I am absolutely addicted to painted my nails. I do it a lot. So, if you don’t mind, I’d love to share some of my nail polish art with you.

I as mentioned in yesterday’s post (read it here), I met John and Hank Green on Monday. In honor of meeting them I decided to do some of the most difficult nail art I’ve ever attempted. It was based off of the cover John’s latest book, The Fault In Our Stars.

I would love to tell you the names of the colors I used for these nails, but I have left those particular colors at home in Edmonds. They are all Sinful Colors brand and if you’re dying to know the color names tweet me or send me an ask in a week when I have them back. In other news, thanks mom for agreeing to visit me next week. Okay, I am finished rambling. Here are the nails!

(Edit!: I now have my nail polish back. The blue background is Love Nails, the black writing is Black on Black, and the white clouds are Tokyo Pearl)

This hand reads Hank and has a music note on the thumb.

This one reads John and the thumb says TFIOS (The Fault In Our Stars).

I loved this design so much! I might do it again, even though I will probably not be meeting them again for a long time.

However, they began to chip and I was really bored in class today, so they are no longer. I knew I needed a new design, but of course, my nail tools are at home with those other colors. So it’s simple, but I like it for now.

The colors are Shining Heart and Rise and Shine. Both by Sinful Colors.

I love watermelon and it’s an easy design, so I went for it and it turned out pretty well. Hopefully once I have my tools back I can do something fancier!

The Meaning of Nerd

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:29:30 -0500

In the summer of 2010, right before I started my senior year of high school, I got the grand idea to start blogging. My first post on that particular blog of mine was mainly focused on how insanely hot it was outside and my awesome week. Here’s a piece of it:

“Number two reason why this week was awesome, I discovered the VlogBrothers. How did I not know about this YouTube gold? Hank and John are amazing people and nerds. I am a total Nerdfighter.
Number three reason why this week was awesome, I went to Western Washington University for three days and I now know what college I want to attend. It’s such a beautiful campus and it has all the programs I want.”

While the writing leaves much to be desired, that little piece of that post means a lot to me now. Nearly two years later, I am wearing my Western sweatshirt proudly as I head up to Bellingham after a weekend home. And last night? I met John and Hank Green, aka the VlogBrothers.
It’s hard to put into words what their videos have meant for me. When I’m lonely they keep me company, when I’m sad they cheer me up. When I felt so alone after moving away from home, watching their videos made it feel like I wasn’t so far away. It was an absolutely honor to be able to say that to John last night.

The community they have created through their videos is also incredible. I don’t know really any nerdfighters (the name they have created for their fans) in real life. I loved meeting new people last night who had the same nerdy interests as me. I sat down with complete strangers and we talked for hours. I rarely get to discuss half the stuff I talked about with these people and we never ran out of conversation topics.

The actual event was hilarious and moving. Listening to John, who is and author of 4 books, read from his latest book The Fault in Our Stars was amazing. He’s a great speaker and listening to him bring to life the different characters made me love the book even more, if that was possible. After explained the processes of writing TFIOS, he introduced Hank. Hank is billboard charting musician and played several of his book and sciene themed songs. This included “the one that made [him] famous” Accio Deathly Hallows. They proceeded on to a timed Q & A. Whichever of the brothers was talking when the timer went off was mildly shocked. I’m not kidding. It was hilarious, although I did feel bad for John who very reluctantly allowed Hank to shock him.

Overall a wonderful evening that I am very grateful to have attended.
Don’t forget to be awesome!

Christmas and My Sister

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 00:48:58 -0400

I love Christmas. Today I had my first holiday cup from Starbucks and Pandora has been playing my “All I Want for Christmas is You” station all day. People often ask me why I like Christmas, and to be honest I’m not entirely sure. Everything about it just makes me happy. I love spending an entire day struggling to put up the artificial, pre-lit Christmas tree with my sister. There’s always one set of lights that doesn’t work and I get unbelievably frustrated, my sister laughs at my ridiculousness until I join in with her.

In fact now that I think about it, a lot of my love for Christmas, aside from the beautiful weather and the decorations, has to do with the time I’ve spent with my sister during the season. We would spend hours together during Winter Break, just talking, arguing over silly things, singing along to Christmas music and maybe sometimes dancing to it (she’ll never admit it, but it happened).

It’s hard to admit sometimes, as anyone with a sibling knows, but I love my sister an incredible amount. We certainly have our arguments, she knows how to drive me insane better than anyone, however at the end of the day I know she loves me. After my parents were divorced, she was the only person I saw nearly every day. We went through a lot together and I’d like to think we’re closer than the average siblings. It’s very odd now, to go weeks with out her.

I miss her a lot while I’m away at school. I miss her rolling her eyes at the way I tend to dance around the house, I miss watching tv with her just to look over and see her practicing her cheers while sitting down, I miss the way she often seems to understand exactly the way I’m feeling. While I think the distance certainly helps with the arguing, I wish she was in Bellingham with me.

“A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double” — Toni Morrison

My lifelong best friend, whether we like it or not.

My Return to Blogging!

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 17:22:46 -0400

Hello to the possibly two people that still pay attention to my blog that has been inactive for nearly four months. I’m terribly sorry for neglecting to write for the summer and the beginning of Fall and I promise to try my hardest to begin to write regularly once again.

I’m now writing to you from my tiny dorm room at Western Washington University in Bellingham, WA! The transition to living away from home has been harder than expected, but I think I’m overall settled in and used to living here now.

Through this change I couldn’t get the desire to write about my experiences to go away. So here I am again! I can’t wait to share my new life with you. It’ll be great for me to be able to get my thoughts out of my mind and hopefully entertain at least one person.

Graduation! (Part Two)

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 22:44:19 -0400

There are very few things that will keep me up until 5:30 in the morning. Movies with my friends, texting a certain cute guy, and of course, Grad Night.

After waking up much earlier than I had planned, 6:30, staying up that late was going to be a challenge. I was exhausted by the time I had changed and checked in with the parents. Thank goodness Lindsey brought energy shots or I would have passed out by midnight.

Me and a bunch of my friends waiting in the theater.

First on the agenda was a hypnotist. I cannot properly describe the hilarity of seeing some of my classmates complete let go and be unaware of their actions. I might have thought some of them were faking, but no high school student is that good of an actor.

Lindsey, Alexandra, Me, Natalie

After laughing harder than I ever have, we headed to the bus. None of us had any idea where we were going. We spent part of the trip contemplating our next stop and part just talking about whatever. Alexandra and I got into a pretty intense discussion on college next year. I contemplated taking the money in my college account and heading off to New York to be on Broadway. That was a short lived idea.

As we approached South Center Natalie realized there was a Family Fun Center nearby. At first I thought it was kind of a lame idea, but I was soon proven wrong. Family Fun Centers are usually boring because I have no money to enjoy them. For Grad Night everything was free!

Me and Lindsey

Everyone in my group of friends wanted to Go Kart. I have a not so good past with driving Go Karts (I crashed, there were tears, it was embarrassing), but was willing to tag along with Lindsey. It was surprisingly not terrifying, I might even go so far to say I had fun.

Me and Lindsey

We spent most of our time on the 4D roller coaster. In addition to wearing 3D glasses to watch a video, we also were in moving seats with wind blowing in our faces. It was a delightful alternative to actual roller coasters.

We also had the opportunity to use coins and get tickets to buy stuff. I won a lot of tickets and made the greatest purchase of my life.

The Family Fun Center was indeed a lot of fun, but it was time to get on the bus and head to..

Natalie, Alexandra, Me, Sadie, Lindsey

The aquarium! At this point it was about 2:00 in the morning and passing out seemed like an inevitability. Especially since the idea of staring at fish for three hours was not particularly awakening. However once we got into the building it appeared we would have no problem staying awake. There were bouncy toys, segways, games and to top it off a DJ blaring music. Even if we wanted to sleep, it was not an option.

Me, Lindsey and Natalie touching the sea anemones.

Lindsey and I

By the time it was 4:30 we were once again exhausted. With a half an hour left we sat and watched the fish swim. It is now that I share with you a picture that I will probably regret showing, but it’s quite hilarious.

Sadie and I, don’t ask me why Lindsey thought the bathroom floor was the best place to take a picture.

Told you I was tired. It was time to go home at 5:00 and I don’t think there was a single person that wasn’t ready. I got about 10 minutes of sleep on the bus, between daydreams and Alexandra’s nonstop talking about I don’t even remember what.

I was home quickly after arriving at school, benefit of living across the street, and soon passed out in my bed.

I have so much to say about graduation. It came and went so fast. I want to relive it again and again, but I can’t wait for the next stage of my life. My future is the most exciting part of my life right now.

Graduation! (Part One)

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 18:30:09 -0400

On June 17th I graduated from high school. Having finally caught up on all the lost sleep from grad night, it seemed appropriate to share my photos and the whirlwind experience of graduating.

Although rehearsal didn’t start until 10 Friday morning, I was up and excited at 6:30. Well, as excited as you can be after 5 hours of sleep. Mistake number one I made on grad day, not eating anything before rehearsal. I spent the entire two and a half hour rehearsal thinking entirely about cheeseburgers and fries. Even with my food day dreams I some how managed to pay more attention to what we were supposed to do than all of my friends. Asking a nearly graduated class of seniors to be focused is like asking me to stop tweeting for a day, entirely pointless.

After our first rehearsal my mom picked me up so I could rectify my hunger problem. Thank you to the man at McDonalds that didn’t look at me like I was crazy. Next on the agenda was getting ready for our second rehearsal and actual graduation.

Lindsey, Alexandra and I

For graduation we were to sit on the football field with our parents in the grand stands. Something very special about the field is that it faces the west, the same place the sunsets. It is only worth it to sweat as much as we did if you are in Milan in the middle of July. That was not a pleasant afternoon.

Waiting to line up

After the 30 minute rehearsal, we did a lot of waiting. It was, again, extremely warm being that we were upstairs in the part of the school that faces the sun. However it was also a perfect time for pictures!

Gena, Alexandra, Lindsey and I

Sadie, Natalie and I

Finally it was time to graduate. I was tear free until I saw my dad in the audience crying. It was a complete whirlwind, the entire ceremony went quickly yet managed to take forever all at the same time. My wonderful sister took some great pictures of my friends and me during the ceremony.

Lindsey, Alexandra and I waiting to get our diplomas. I don’t know why they expected any different from me.

Me receiving my diploma

Difficult to see, but I was very excited to have received my diploma.

At the end of the ceremony it was a rush to get everyone to the courtyard to take even more pictures before heading off to grad night.

My dad, me, my mom and my sister

This picture means more to me than most of the others. There probably isn’t another picture of the four of us that isn’t a least 6 years old.

Me and Alexandra

This picture also means so much to me. I graduated Kindergarten with her 12 years ago, here we are still friends graduating high school.

Next on the agenda was Grad Night! Part two coming soon!

Prom!

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 18:36:00 -0400

The 11th of June was my Senior Prom. I thought it would be nice to give you all a look into the night and show off all the pictures that I’m really happy with.

The day started early for me, I woke up at seven and couldn’t get back to sleep. That resulted in me looking through my yearbook and feeling very nostalgic. An interesting emotion at seven in the morning. The first prom related activity was my hair appointment. It was at ten at Swink Style Bar.

I was beyond thrilled with how my hair turned out, although it looked quite odd with no makeup and regular clothes on. Next on the agenda was being picked up by one of my best friends, Lindsey, and getting her hair done before heading off to have our makeup done.

We had appointments at the MAC counter in Nordstrom for 5:30 and 6:00. At this point we were already in a bit of a time crunch as everyone was supposed to arrive at her house at 6:30. Adding to the stress the first appointment started 20 minutes late.

Despite the late start Lindsey and I were both very happy with our makeup, but incredibly anxious to head home and get dressed. We quickly got dressed, put on jewelry and went out to show it off to the boys and collection of moms that had arrived.

The first set of pictures began in Lindsey’s front yard. I’ve never felt more beautiful then I did that night. I felt like Ariel the entire evening.

Jake, Lindsey, Robert, Me, Adam, Jessica, Natalie

It was now time to head to the beach. Edmonds is a perfect spot for prom photos. I met up with my dad and step mom there so they could get some pictures too.

Me and my dad

Jake, Lindsey, Robert, Me, Adam, Jessica and Natalie

Robert and I

Natalie, Lindsey, Me and Jessica

After pictures it was dinner time. Instead of going to a traditional, fancy restaurant we headed over to Dick’s Burgers for some delicious and fast food.

Me, Robert, Lindsey, Jake Jessica, Adam, Natalie

All of us managed to keep our clothes clean, despite the messy food. It was a great pick for a restaurant since we were very short on time. Finally we headed to the dance. Prom was held at the Science Fiction museum, which is right inside the EMP.

Natalie, Lindsey, Me and Jessica

For those of you not familiar with Seattle, the Experience Music Project (EMP) is the gigantic metal thing you can see to the left of the Space Needle in this photo.

Me and my other best friend, Alexandra

The dance floor at the Museum was very small so my group spent most of our time on the catwalk above it. We only stayed for about an hour to say hi to all our friends and teacher. Next on the agenda was bowling!

Lindsey and I

Natalie, Lindsey and I

Bowling was a ton of fun, although the dresses created quite the obstacle and none of us played very well except for Jake.

Overall prom was an amazing night. Everyone always says that prom will never meet your expectations, but it did for me. I enjoyed the time spent with my friends and I felt perfect the entire night. I wouldn’t change it at all.

Smiles

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 01:10:16 -0400

I am at a really good place in my life right now. There are frequent smiles on my face and it’s a really great feeling. Instead of day dreaming about being a different person, I day dream about my life now and the wonderful things I get to experience. I feel incredibly lucky to be me!

The Pacific Northwest has been amazing lately. The weather is incredible right now. It’s still 70 degrees at 9:30 at night. This is Washington at it’s best. There’s nothing like the sunshine across the mountains as your driving into the Edmonds’ Bowl. Not to mention the sun makes great baseball weather and the Mariners are doing incredible lately. No matter what happens I will be a Mariners fan until I die, but it sure is great having a winning team to watch. I’m happy to be staying in Washington for college. There’s nothing like a warm Pacific Northwest day and I plan on experiencing many more.

I’m lucky to have a ton of really great people in my life right now. I have my best friends that I’ve known for what feels like my entire life. Experiencing the rush of prom, graduation and leaving home with them enhances the entire adventure of growing up. I’m enjoying these last few months with them instead of dreading having to leave.

I’m also meeting a lot of new people. The beautiful invention of Facebook has allowed me to meet some fellow future Western Students. I’ve bonded with several of them. One of them being someone I know will be a good friend of my mine for years to come. It’s a huge load off my shoulders knowing I don’t have to worry as much about fitting in when I arrive at school in the fall.

One thing I find myself smiling about all the time is the cute new guy in my life. Time spent with him is filled with laughter and fun. He’s charming and he makes me feel pretty. It’s delightful.

My future is perhaps the best thing of all. I have so much to look forward to in the coming year. I’m going to love this last week and a half of high school, but I’m counting down the days until September comes. I can’t wait to experience life in college. I want to meet even more people, explore a new town and learn a lot. I’ve officially begun saying I am a journalism major. It’s not a field I know a lot about, I’m really looking forward to learning all about writing and the journalism world.

I love to smile and I love having something to smile about. Being able to write paragraphs about the joy in my life makes me even happier. These next few weeks are going to be a rush of emotions, but it’s great to feel happy about the present and the future ahead of me.

Dreams

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 19:50:27 -0400

Everyone has dreams. Some are realistic and will no doubt be achieved one day. Others are wild and out there that we only think of doing when we want to escape from reality. As my graduation from high school approaches (53 days!!!!) I can’t help but think of chasing my dreams. Attending college is a realistic dream, I know it’s something I can do. But there’s this little voice in my head that likes to tell me to drop everything and go achieve my wildest dream.

It’s no secret that I’m in love with theater. It’s the one thing that has never hurt me and will never feel wrong. Perhaps my craziest dream, the one that will take loads of adrenaline for me to ever seriously consider chasing, is to be on Broadway. I want to stand in the center of a stage and belt out “On My Own” from Les Mis or duet “The Guilty Ones” from Spring Awakening with my charming co-star. I want to show the world I’m something special. Acting and singing are so much fun for me. I’d love to do that on a professional stage. It’d be incredible to have people filling a theater to see me perform.

It’s ironic that I’m writing this as I watch the episode of Glee titled “Dream On”. In this episode one of the characters tells another that it’s an inevitability that she’ll be on Broadway one day. It’s not that way for me. Broadway is my crazy dream. Perhaps someday, if I have the guts, I’ll screw it all and go off to New York. But I’m content with going off to Bellingham, becoming a journalist, a teacher, or who knows what. I’ll spend my nights dreaming of the great white way and feeling the shine of stage lights on my face once more.

Insecurities

Sat, 09 Apr 2011 01:37:36 -0400

I have a lot of insecurities. Many of them are to be expected from a 17 year old girl. Not feeling secure in my looks, being afraid of not fitting in, etc. The biggest insecurity I have stems from experiences I had earlier in my teens.

In 7th grade I was friends with a group of girls I’d known for a while. It was a totally normal friendship at first. At some point many of the girls began to ignore me. When they did recognize my existence it was cold and brief encounters. I’d ask for answers, wanting to know what I’d done wrong. I never really got an clear reason, the only thing I was told at that point was that they all needed a break from being my friend. My heart was broken. I couldn’t see a reason for losing my friends.

At the beginning of eighth grade things were fine briefly. By October the same events were occurring as the year before. This time I got answers, albeit, they came in a carefully folded note given to me by the one girl who didn’t refuse to speak to me. As I read the reasons the people I considered my best friends didn’t want anything to do with me, I became confused. It listed things I never considered being bad. It wasn’t anything I thought was out of the ordinary.

I gave the girls their space, not wanting to create anymore problems. Later they found me acceptable to become their friend again. I was thrilled. I thought it would finally be the end of my isolation. Unfortunately it wasn’t, throughout the next three years of high school I had similar experiences with the same exact people. I always did something wrong completely unknowingly. They never confronted me directly, it was always over text message or facebook chat. Although I remain friends with these people today, I keep them at arms length, for fear of history repeating it’s self.

As you can imagine, forgetting this part of my life is nearly impossible. It has impacted me in ways I wish it wouldn’t. As I have finally began to expand my circle of friends, I find myself being unsure of the friendships. I spend so much time wondering if I’ve done something wrong if I haven’t heard from a friend in a while. In my mind that means someone is mad at me, because that’s exactly what happened to me with previous friends. The rational part of my mind knows that nothing is wrong. It’s perfectly normal not to talk to friends for several days, especially if I don’t see them everyday at school. The insecure part of my mind always takes over though. I find myself feeling depressed and down, when nothing is wrong. I try to ignore that part of my brain, but it’s always saying “you’ve done something wrong”.

I know this part of my past will always stay with me. But that doesn’t mean the insecurities need to over take my thoughts and disrupt my regular life. I’m lucky to be surrounded by new friends that understand and have experienced the same things I have.